New Year's Eve

How do I love thee, Eve of the New Year? Let me count the ways:

1. I love how you make the entirety of the US (and probably other parts of the world) watch a shiny ball drop onto a tower. Never has there been a better time to distract people with a diversion so you can take over the US for those 10 seconds each year. You are ingenious. I bet our faces when we watch that lit up ball are hilarious.

2. I also love that over half those people watching that ball are probably blacked out and that watching the ball drop without stumbling/falling/toppling over is the most concentration they've had to use that night. The less than half are the little kids standing around, wondering why their parents are looking at a shiny ball in the sky. It's just a ball, it'll come down.

3. I love that you secretly give people STI's and STD's while they are making out when the New Year starts. You feel obligated to kiss someone when everyone else on TV/IRL/Online are kissing, but you regret it after getting a wet dog kiss from that guy with Mono. You definitely regret it a month later.

4. I love that you encourage Resolutions. Resolutions that people make and are full of hope and joy at the start, but break down slowly through the month of January and February, because it is just too damn cold in the US to try and make a resolution of losing weight when it's 30 Degrees outside. The Chinese have it right. Their new year is when it's warm so they can celebrate and make resolutions without freezing their little Asian asses off.

5. In conclusion, I love that you are probably the least important Holiday of the year (you don't even get presents other than herpes or mono) and yet there is still a show on TV in your honor. You owe that to Dick Clark, New Year. Thank him.

Sooooo.... Lady Luck is a bitch.

First day back at work after a nice Christmas break. I get here, and as I'm updating invoices and whatnot, an Error pops up on one of the invoices I am changing. So I try to delete the invoice, the error pops up AGAIN. I try to delete the batch the invoice is in, ERROR. This is just a fantastic way to start off my week where I have shit-tons of work to do. I worked my way around it, but the damn thing still needs to be deleted now.

Fun-fun. I'm off to do more 'work' and try not to mess up more things.

A Christmas Story.

I am here to tell you wonderful people about a Christmas story that has happened in my life. Mostly because I don't want to email this to 2birds1blog and chance that over 1,000 people that see it, someone that knows my mom might mention a funny-ass story about a coked-up mom on Christmas. My mom would know immediately it was me, and then she would proceed to make me her beer-bitch again. I do not want that. I digress, let us continue to the story:

Once upon a Christmas day, there was a lovely house on a lovely street in a lovely town located near a famous Golf Course. Many congregated to this house every Christmas, due to the fact that the grandmother there cooked bomb-ass mac n' cheese and she was super sweet to everyone. Even friends of the family called her 'Nana' or 'Mom'. She was awesome.

Well, it was just about noon, the cooking was almost done, the presents were unwrapped, and the sweet lady's daughter was in a mood. Now this daughter had three children with her, all nearly-grown up and one had already flown the nest (Thank God) and escaped the clutches of this crazy-ass daughter. However, they always came together for Christmas. Just as the food was nearly finished, a rage came over the daughter while her two sons were playing a loud video game. She began yelling at everyone and then her children proceeded to make fun of her, which enticed her malice even more.

Her dose of cocaine that morning was wearing off and she needed to go find some more, she had just used the last. So the coked up mom proceeded to berate the sweet lady (her own mother) which made the sweet lady a little sour. So she told the crazy woman that it was Christmas and even though she wanted to go out, she should stay at this lovely home on this lovely street because her family was there. The daughter didn't like that at all, so she started stalking throughout the house to find her oldest child, her own daughter. Her own daughter was blocking the coke-addict from leaving the house, since her '07 Civic was blocking the '98 acura in the driveway. Oh what a mistake that was.

The oldest grandchild of the sweet lady was hiding. She had heard her mother earlier in her coke-craze and knew the effects had worn off. She was putting her keys at the bottom of a closet, when she heard her mother coming down the stairs. Her grandmother had told her to tell the cokehead that she didn't know where her keys to her lovely car on this lovely street were, so that the daughter couldn't move her car and let the monster out to find more drugs. The sweet lady had bribed her with mac n' cheese that was heavenly delicious, the youngest girl of the family couldn't have resisted.

The Heroine with the lost keys had just closed the door to the closet as her mother entered the room, glaring at her. "Where are your keys? I've been yelling for you to get upstairs and move your car for the last half hour!" Which it had really only been fifteen minutes, but when you're withdrawing from cocaine, the hours seem long and dismal without coke.

"I don't know where my keys are," She said meekly as the mother's stare turned gruesome and malicious, as if she were at an intervention and her daughter was telling her to stop doing drugs.

"Well, I suggest you find them, and quickly. If your car is not moved out of the way of my car, in the next five minutes, I am going to ram your car until it is destroyed and I can leave," Those words were ice down the youngest daughter's spine. She couldn't run to Nana, she was all the way upstairs in the kitchen. The daughter nodded silently and the mother left the room. The daughter zoomed into the closet, and swiftly took her keys to the car, moving it half a block down the road.

The mother promptly took off as she saw her daughter move her car, and the coke-head did not return until late that night. Oh how joyous those hours of Christmas were without the mother wolverine there. Her children rejoiced with their sweet grandmother in that lovely home on the lovely street in the lovely city.

Budding photographer?

So, my friend that I've known since around 1997 is getting married in January (I think.) He's been engaged to this girl for a while, and they've finally decided they want to get married in January and they decided that it was cool for me to photograph their wedding. I LOVE WEDDINGS. I didn't love planning my little wedding for Joe's and Mine wedding, but I loved our wedding day. And I get to plan and stress over a big one, but if this big wedding has more stress, it will probably have more happiness too.

BUT I AM SO EXCITED TO TAKE PICTURES. I love taking pictures, and being around people that are happy and want pictures taken. But I know it'll be a hard job. The super cool thing is, I have a digital High definition camera, and It takes video. So I'm thinking about taking video with it throughout the ceremony, and then using my Canon AE-1 Film Camera to take pictures. It may be a two man Job. I may have someone video the wedding, just sit there and pan and tilt the tripod. I am anxious.

Incommunicado with Apology texts

So, my brother in law isn't be a bee-otch anymore. Which is awesome, but we did sit down and talk for a long hour about how we need to communicate between us better. Before this talk occurred, we had been talking via messages through Facebook. I'll let you into a few snippets just to how badly I am at arguing with people, and how I really hate emo-bitches.

First, my brother in law started off like this:

"Hey girl, you need to stop avoiding me and talk to me if you are upset with me. "

I thought that was a pretty good start to a conversation. But then it turns ugly. After professing his love for me, he says this:

"It is my decision so you just can't expect me to do what you want to do everytime."

Hello, I am a girl, I do expect you to do everything I ask of and more. You should bow down at my feet because I am the only girl you have been close to for 2 years. Exception: Your moma. No hard feelings though, but I did get upset at this point of his bitching:

"When we got to your house my plan was to go straight home but i kept talking to you thinking that you actually cared and that is the only reason I stayed longer."

HOLD UP. I do care. I just stop caring when you involve my friends in your bitching, acting as if my friends aren't worth shit. That's why I got upset with you. I know you sent an 'apology txt' but that doesn't fucking cut it and you should have known that. If you had spoke to your mother that way, you wouldn't have sent a little fuckin' txt to her. You would have called her up, begging for her forgiveness. Hence why I started ignoring you. Then the last bit made me realize how dumb boys are when they're angry:

"I am however upset that you talked to Shmoe* about how you felt and not me. [...] FROM NOW ON, talk to me first. Don't let this happen again. You can start by replying to me about how you feel about everything I just typed to you."

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.*

First off, you are my brother IN LAW, you are not my husband, Shmoe*. I talk to him about all things first. If I am pissed off, sad, dejected, happy, ecstatic, frisky, angry, pregnant, divorced, depressed- he is the first person I will always go to. You are like, fifth in my list of prioritized people. So I wrote back:

"First off, I didn't tell Shmoe* anything that was untrue. I NEVER said, "Emo-bitch* doesn't care about your wood pile, that's why he didn't put the tarp over it," I just told him that even after you knew you should have put a tarp over it, you still didn't go outside and do what he asked. Your actions conveyed the message that you didn't want to do what Shmoe* asked.[...]

Also, I understand that you are doing me a huge favor, but you know I would do the same for you. I AM IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER THROWING YOUR HOSPITALITY BACK IN YOUR FACE. That was incredibly insensitive of you to think that.[...] I let you do laundry at my house, I take you out to dinner (Which is what I wanted to do!) and I hang out with you, I would do almost anything for you. I don't want you to do things for me because you feel like you HAVE to, or are in someway obligated to do them. I like spending time with you and most of the time its awesome when we do hang out.

[...]. I know where you are coming from, but this girl is NOTHING. You didn't go on a date with her, you have known her for 3-4 weeks at the most, there is not a relationship there. So don't base something THAT YOU NEVER HAD with a girl, on all girls in general. That is how you end up alone and with 400 cats. It greatly offended me when I was trying to give you encouragement (Which is totally my thing, so let me encourage, okay?) and it wasn't working. You grouped all girls into one big sadistic, manipulative, angry group. That offended me.

I do care about you venting, because everyone needs to do it. However, don't do it to offend whoever you want so you can wallow in misery because someone hurt you. Everyone is going to hurt you, obviously even me. We can't help it. I'm not perfect and you're not either and you won't find a perfect girl who does everything perfect. Once we got to my house, you weren't really venting anymore, you seemed like you were just talking about bullshit so that I would continue to empathize with you.

[......]

One more quick thing,

I will always talk to my husband about something that is bothering me, before anyone else. I value his opinion and thoughts on things more than anyone other than God, so don't get upset if he talks to you about things between us that I haven't talked to you about. Okay?

That's just how it will be."

And that was my message. I was kinda mean, but my sarcasm and wit usually gets through to people. I just wanted Emo-bitch* to know that I was not about to take his pitiful excuse for an apology when all I did while he was crying, was be entirely nice to him and let him calm down and think. However, since the calming down happened later, and I guess my brother in law was too afraid to talk to me after being a jack-ass, I got a apology txt. So much for being good at communication, Emo-bitch*.

As for me being a non-confrontational person, I have my reasons. Hence, I have this blog and my LJ. They keep me sane.

Christmas Debate;

Today I am finally decorating my house. I was going to decorate yesterday, but my brother in law was being a super emo-bitch. Hence my rant about love yesterday. Chad, you didn't even go on a date with her. Yes, I know she was super flirting with you, but only because you were super flirting with her!

Sitting at work writing about something I shouldn't even be talking about.(Considering I'm an accountant.) I should be counting shit. But I'm surrounded by Halloween candles scented "After-Mint Dinner" and "Pumpkin Sherbet" which translates into "Gross Shit" and "Even Grosser

Shit". My olfactory senses have been fried and fed to red necks that eat things bigger than me (That's what she said) for an all-you-can-eat buffet.

However! I am still sitting here and writing. "Why?" do you ask? Well, It obviously can't be because I am an excellent worker, or anything related to that subject. It has to be for something extremely important. Like decorations. For Christmas. You know, since it's less than 20 days away I might as well decorate now. Or maybe I could just do it 6 months in advance and then keep them up for 6 months after Christmas, that would save me a lot of time.

There is a reason behind me actually decorating. Because my house is actually semi-decent now (meaning we have real furniture rather than just inflatable furniture, which is not such a good investment), I have decided to have a Christmas Party!!!I even invited Atheists. I think it's because of America's newest Ad:

Now, I don't dislike secular things (I love secular music, secular books, secular friends, secular socks.) But this ad is a little odd. I would have been much more receptive to this if it said, "Don't believe in a God?" instead of Why, it just gives it a better tone. Now, I don't bash on Atheists and I don't stuff Christianity down their throats, but I don't like atheist attacking me. I don't like being offended, you don't like being offended. I mean, I'm done with arguing with Atheists over stuff. There are a lot of Christians that hurt my cause just as much as some atheists, but they're just stupid people, which anyone can ignore. However, justice has been served, because the site that created this ad is down indefinitely.

Yet, I still love having my friends (contradicting beliefs or not) around for Christmas. I would much rather hang out with them than my mother-who made me her beer bitch on MY 21st birthday- for Christmas. Last Christmas she was so badly withdrawing from her robo-trip/pot high/crack-addiction that she threatened to ram my car until she could get her car out of the driveway. I promptly moved my car (which is worth $14,000 on Kelly blue book) out of the way of her car (which she bought for $1000 3 years ago) using my common sense. Needless to say, I don't really like my mom, she even bitched at my on my wedding day, but that is for another day.

So, I am planning this party. I already have all the desserts picked out, and I am having a few good friends bring their favorite finger food. We are going to play games on the wii, listen to Christmas music, and exchange some gift bags that I'm putting together for whoever comes. I'm rather excited. This is the first time I've ever acted like a 1950's house wife that wants to be the perfect hostess and have everything decorated wonderfully. I even want to invest in a coat rack. The domestic goddess is coming out.

So, I have a lot of shopping to do. That's okay, I also have an awesome husband that grants my every wish and whim. He also got a new job where he gets paid 3 bucks more an hour, and has a set schedule. I've got this Party in the bag.

Holidays and Love.

I love holidays. I love spending money on myself (and other people, sometimes) and I LOVE decorating. I love the lights, the bows, the candles, the candy canes, the wreaths, ect. They make it feel more like winter than snow does. ( I also LOVE snow, but it normally comes to NC in March)

And I intend on dressing my house up to the nines today after I get home from the Mall. I intend on making it look like Santa exploded inside my home and his gruesome remains are full of Christmas cheer and Holiday spirit. (Holiday spirit meaning Candy-cane martinis!)

But you know... there is one thing that can bring me down from my gingerbread cookie high. Heartbreak. That's right. People that are heartbroken and are pissed about it. WTF People. I'm sorry you don't have a girlfriend/wife/sex toy. The holidays aren't about having teh sechs. The Holidays are to spend time with family you don't get to see all the time. Be nostalgic, and get really drunk, because everyone knows that if you're gonna get drunk and be stupid, do it in front of your family because then you have no reason to be embarrassed.

Those people who get pissed off because they have been burned (or they are crazy in the head and think they've been burned) just need to chill out and re-inspect their life. Chasing something you really want and failing at getting it isn't truly a failure. You don't always get the girl you want, but perhaps that's not the person meant for you! Don't try and make something happen. If something is meant to be, that person will always come back to you.

And needy people, especially those people who feel that they want to be part of a couple in order to be complete. I dislike them the most. WTF you are your own person! Don't feel pressured to date because all your friends have dates they're taking home to show to mom and dad. They're just going to end up drunk and make out in front of their parents/grandparents/aunts&uncles/cousins and end up unhappy. You know how I know? I HAVE BEEN THERE.

That's all I have to say for now. Hope everyone is enjoying Christmas as much as I am!