NO MORE HORMONES!!!

Yay! So, next month I will officially be off birth control. I've been taking it for over a year now, I started it exactly a month before me and my husband were married. AWWW.

Yeah, fuck birth control. I have gained about 40 pounds since going on it. I mean, I have STRETCH MARKS. WTF. I have never had stretch marks. And when I try to excercise, nothing comes off.

It's literally like birth control makes your body think you're pregnant in ALL ways. I am gaining weight in my stomach, pretty much like I'm pregnant. I am lethargic, as if I am carrying a child. I have absolutely no sex drive. IT SUCKS. So, I'm stopping it.

I'm going on this thing called Paragard. We'll see how it works out. I'm excited about not being fat.

We are all precious;

His desire is to give hope to the hopeless, give bread to the hungry, give love to the unloved, and give life to those who feel there is nothing left.

There is always something left.

A long time ago, a friend that was very near and dear to my heart asked me a question, "What is a soul?"

I argued with him that it was the very being of who we are, what makes you that unique human being, different, yet the same from everyone else. He said that is our personality, and he was right. I was wrong.

It is more than just a person's personality. It is what makes a human, live. It is literally our LIFE! It is what separates us from animals, it separates us from Earth. It is immaterial, yet essential to life. Scientists try to put all of what we're made of (Carbon atoms, water molecules and everything in-between) in a test tube, and what do they get?

It's not life. You can't create something without a soul. That's why cloning experiments go wrong. You can create things that don't have souls, such as animals, but not humans. Perhaps parts of humans, but nothing fully in its right to be a human.

A soul is something that aches for more, that wants to be loved, and wants to love. It wants to feel special in its own way, and be loved in spite of mistakes it makes. A soul is always searching, always wondering about things. Its that part of you that makes you wonder what happens after you die, what happens after you have a baby, what happens when you grow old, what happens when you fall in love, WHAT HAPPENS NOW?

Our desire is to give hope to the hopeless, give bread to the hungry, give love to the unloved, and give life to those who feel there is nothing left.

Making a human;

I have been thinking about babies lately, because... omgosh I'm the spinster of my family. Okay, it's either I'm the spinster of the family, or the women in my family are a bunch of whores. And I don't think my Nana is a whore. If you do, I'll kick your ass. Though, I wouldn't not say that my mom is a whore. However, Babies are still on the brain.

It may be due to the fact that younger women around me are about to give birth to children, and I'm like.... freaking out! For instance, one girl (who just turned 19) is about to have a baby in two months. That's 8 weeks being a normal human being, then having to turn your vagina inside out and birth a person. A live person. We're having her baby shower in two weeks, and I'm like O.M.G. rly? Vagina bout to be a cavern.

Then, older people (like way older) people are having babies as well. Perhaps other women feel the way I do when there are tiny humans surrounding me in my dreams. Okay, so I don't dream about babies yet, but I'm afraid it will happen one day. Thank God that my husband keeps me sane. Anyways, I just wanted to talk about babies because it's been on my mind lately, I don't want to have them for a while because truly, I hate children. I hope I don't hate mine.