1. I love how you make the entirety of the US (and probably other parts of the world) watch a shiny ball drop onto a tower. Never has there been a better time to distract people with a diversion so you can take over the US for those 10 seconds each year. You are ingenious. I bet our faces when we watch that lit up ball are hilarious.
2. I also love that over half those people watching that ball are probably blacked out and that watching the ball drop without stumbling/falling/toppling over is the most concentration they've had to use that night. The less than half are the little kids standing around, wondering why their parents are looking at a shiny ball in the sky. It's just a ball, it'll come down.
3. I love that you secretly give people STI's and STD's while they are making out when the New Year starts. You feel obligated to kiss someone when everyone else on TV/IRL/Online are kissing, but you regret it after getting a wet dog kiss from that guy with Mono. You definitely regret it a month later.
4. I love that you encourage Resolutions. Resolutions that people make and are full of hope and joy at the start, but break down slowly through the month of January and February, because it is just too damn cold in the US to try and make a resolution of losing weight when it's 30 Degrees outside. The Chinese have it right. Their new year is when it's warm so they can celebrate and make resolutions without freezing their little Asian asses off.
5. In conclusion, I love that you are probably the least important Holiday of the year (you don't even get presents other than herpes or mono) and yet there is still a show on TV in your honor. You owe that to Dick Clark, New Year. Thank him.
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